would you like to meet your cousin?....she is waiting for you

Hey there,

No worries.... I'm much better today than the last time we spoke. Still the same worries on my mind but they will not consume me today.

Anyways, I figure if I bribe you enough will all the cool people who will love the dickens out of you it will make you want to come to this earth sooner.....and believe me baby seese, there are a ton of wonderful people waiting to love on you.

For example...this is your one and only cousin so far... Ms. Abree! She is super fun and would really like you to come over and play....now I assume by the time you get here, she won't want you to touch her toys because you will get baby drool all over them...but she will love you anyway. She will be super protective of you if anyone tries to pick on you or be unkind. Just like I am of her daddy.

We would all really like to meet you baby seese!

love,

mom

just stop with the research already

I'm a grant writer....research is what I do. I look for facts through all kinds of garbage on the internet and try to find funding for programs. I'm pretty decent at it. Except that now I research EVERYTHING! I could have a best seller if I just printed out my recent google searches.

There is just so much to know, to learn...so many questions....there is no exact science when waiting on magic to happen. I am a faith filled girl, but these days I really like exact measurements. So I keep trying to calm my shit and tell myself that I am perfectly human and my body is designed to do this. It will happen Jaslyn Marie....just chill your shit.

I am not a patient girl and I own it. Nothing in my life has ever come easy for me. I have had to bust my ass for everything. I had to figure out how to finish college when my parents could no longer afford to pay for it and I found a way. I had to learn how heal myself when my heart was broken and become a better person. I have always had to put my big girl panties on an deal with it. But there are some days when I feel completely defenseless against the nagging voice in my head that says." just get over it, it ain't happenin hussy."

And there is just nothing your well meaning friends can say when you feel that way. Today is one of those days, but tomorrow will be better.

Maybe I should buy new underwear today ;)

This could be your father...I promise you will like him

Cool guy huh... yes he still smokes and he is obnoxiously obsessed with all things pittsburgh(steelers, penquins, pirates, basically anything black and gold), and he cusses like a sailor. But let me tell you...he is the sweetest, most loving man you will ever know once you have his heart. I can't wait to see how you will change his life too. He has a few requests...I think they are pretty reasonable...1.) you are allowed to ask us if you can play any sport but soccer, it would kill him. 2.) please root for IU, he is lonely in our house as me and your brother Baylor cheer for the cards.

we love just the thought of you so much it hurts!

So the journey begins FO REALSIES!!!!

So being an adult is sometimes is not all it's cracked up to be....in your teens you think about what your life will be like when you have a job. You can buy whatever you want and live where you want and do what you want....and then God laughs at you right along with your parents.

What I am getting at is the simple fact that you never realize what a miracle a child is until you are faced with the reality that you might not get one. Things are not so dreary for me yet, but the thought never goes away. So I am going to write those thoughts down so that when I am proven wrong and holding my sweet child with my husbands eyes and hopefully my hair color if it's a girl, I can show them how much they were truely wanted.

We got the news in Janurary that I am annovulatory. Super cool when you are in high school and still a virgin to not get your period every month....not so cool when you are 28 and have BAYBEE on the BRAINZ!!!!!!!

So here I am on clomid...hoping for the best and already making deals with myself if it doesn't happen right away.......don't take too long baby seese, your mother doesn't have a lot of patience.